Jealousy...A reality we all deal with in one way or another

"Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you. There is only one alternative - self-value. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved. You will always think it's a mistake or luck. Take your eyes off others and turn the scanner within. Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences. Put all the energy into building your personal and emotional security. Then you will be the one others envy, and you can remember the pain and reach out to them." ~Jennifer James

It always surprises me how people assume things or judge you when they aren't even your friend. If people looked within themselves then maybe they could stop making assumptions about other people's lives. Sad really...if all they want to do is talk (without having an ounce of factual information) then I actually feel sorry for them! Once again..all you can do is pray for people like that. This quote explains a lot about what I was going to talk about so I figured I'd just leave it at that! Again, so glad the only approval in life I need is from my Heavenly Father :-)



Love and Prayers,
Darea

Not a competition..

Almost six years ago I began a journey no one could have prepared me for...Being a mom! A wonderful but hard job that I would never give up! God has blessed me with two wonderful children who right now are 2 1/2 and almost 6. Not the easiest of ages but I really am enjoying watching them grow and explore life. I have to say though I would not be the mom I am without all of my other mommy friends out there to turn to. Not just the moms who are my age..mom's that I turn to of all ages who either have little ones themselves right now or those who have raised them and they are now living on their own.

What I love about my friends is that we all love and are there for each other no matter what. Through the smiles and the tears b/c lets face it parenting is not just all about the joy. We might not all parent the same or even live life the same but we all have our kids best interest at heart. I have friends who were able to breastfeed and did so till they were comfortable, I have friends who could not or were not comfortable. I have some friends that let their children "cry it out" and others who chose not to. I have friends who put their kids in nursery school starting at 2 1/2 and I have others that waited till a year before Kindergarten and friends that home-school. Guess what, NO ONE has all the answers and no one does everything the same way. We are our OWN child's parent and as long as you are comfortable doing what you do it is not up to anyone else to make us feel guilty or as though our parenting style is wrong. If you want to put your child in time out or take away toys as a form of discipline then guess what, you do what works for your child. None of us are made a like so what makes us think our children would be. I have two kids, a boy and a girl and they couldn't be more different. They have very strong personalities but they respond to discipline differently. My daughter understands time out while my son has to get something he loves taken away. This is just what works for us. I only answer to God, not anyone else.

I'm thankful for the other mommy's/friends in my life that I correspond with and get wisdom from. There are many of you and you know who you are ;-) We don't have to go through the tough moments alone. Only we understand "Mommy brain" or the exhaustion that comes from bringing home a newborn, or dealing with the terrible 2's & 3's .

I also find that sometimes people think life is a competition between their children. One thing I will never announce is my child's grades. I will simply state they did well or that I'm happy with their report cards (if that) but publicly that is all you will get. If they do great they will know I'm proud and if they try their hardest and don't do so well then I will still let them know I'm proud. There is so much pressure on kids today that the last thing they need is for us to add to it. I'm not talking about encouraging our child to do their best, I'm talking about making them feel like they aren't good enough for not getting A's. I've seen all too well what can come of parents that do that. Even when I was in H.S. I saw what those pressures did to people around me. If you think about it, when was the last time someone asked you your GPA in high school or college (and I don't mean those who are applying to schools) No one cares that I got B's in high school. I tried my best and had a great time in high school/college. I have a lot of fond memories that can never be taken away. You cannot get those days back. My mom never once made me feel bad for bring home a B. If I needed extra help in a subject she made sure I got it but never ever made me feel bad for not getting straight A's. Thank you mom for that..means more then you ever realized!!

I simply write this b/c it doesn't matter if your child walks before mine, or if yours talks before mine, or if yours can hit a home run before mine. I will be excited for such accomplishments no matter who does it when. I LOVE the support I have all around me. I don't even have all my close friends in the same state as me but they are a quick, call, email or FB chat away. I love that I don't get judged but rather given great advice when I'm not sure what to do. Parenting is hard enough without others making it harder. No child is perfect..some people might think theirs are but the reality is, there is no such thing! I hope if you are a parent reading this that you have a great support around you and if not I'd love to get to know you more. Life is so short, enjoy the moments you have with your children and know there is someone out there if you need to talk :-)

Love and prayers to you all,
Darea ...One Blessed Mommy!

Two gifts in my life...

I have always loved the saying "We might not have it all together but together we have it all." This couldn't be more true about my sisters and I. The three of us are so different but yet are as close as can be. I will always remember riding on the bus to camp every summer together for over 8 years, enjoying our Saturday morning bagel time, swimming in our pool until it was dark outside..(as we got older, Joy kicking us out so she could hang with friends, lol), Jodi singing under my door when she knew she hurt my feelings..could never stay upset after that, and of course getting ourselves through some of the hard times we faced together as well. In life there are always highs and lows. However, it was in those hard times that the three of us grew the most and then became the closest.
As we grew up my mom always said to us "If you have nothing nice to say then don't say anything, or it's not what you say but how you say it." That certainly came out a lot through our teenage years ;-) Despite how we were towards each other you knew that if someone else spoke badly about another we had each others back. You can say whatever you want about me but when you say something about one of them expect me not to keep my mouth quiet. I get so tired of people feeling it is their duty to judge other people, or think they know what they are talking about when they speak about anther persons, life, relationships, finances, parenting styles, jobs, vacation destinations, what one chooses to eat. I'm so not kidding either. Do people just have nothing else better going on in their own lives? I have come to the conclusion that if people want to talk about others in such ways it is because they are jealous or that they have issues of their own they are not secure with. So now my sisters and I just pray for those that "talk behind our backs." Its funny how they talk behind our backs but yet somehow we still know they are..not very good about keeping it behind our backs ;-) You can look us up and down and put whatever judgements you want on us..we know who we are and we know that we only answer to God!! If you are friends with any of us you know we are real, honest and what you see is what you get. There is no show here.
God definitely made us sisters but love made us friends. I love the two of them more then words can express. I know we have been through some tough times and even when we didn't realize it God had a plan all along. People often tell us, "For children who have come from divorced parents, you and your sisters really have adjusted well." I personally never accepted that stereotype that if your parents are divorced or you come from a "broken home", which don't get me started on that phrase, that we would end up with problems. Sure we each have our own insecurities or downfalls but guess what, who doesn't? We are all responsible for our own actions regardless of where we have come from. Divorced parents or not I think my sisters and I should be proud of who we are. More importantly we should be proud of our mom for raising us the way she did. None of us are perfect and we never pretend to be. In fact if you spend any amount of time with all of us you will definitely find us picking on or making fun of each other for those things..all in love of course. I know my sisters have my back and I hope they know I will ALWAYS have theirs.
God made no mistakes by putting the three of us in the family we are in. I wouldn't trade anything we have gone through to be in another family. We are all stronger, wiser and have more of an appreciation for each other b/c of what we have been through. God has been so good to us. I thank him every day for putting me in the middle of my very smart organized older sister and my very free spirited, sarcastic younger sister. I'd like to think I'm the balance of the two ;-) Love you both!!

Project Experience....Reflection time.

"Project Experience, a guided walk-through exhibit showing the many issues our missionaries encounter on the field, as well as the ministries we support both globally and locally. It will provide a hands-on connection to our local and world-wide partnerships."

I have heard about Project Experience from some of our staff, volunteers and teens b/c it was set up at a Life conference last Summer for our Youth. I never imagined it was going to be what it was. As I started I was handed a passport, fake of course but the start of my journey through Project Experience. I remember so clearly the first area we came to. A bunch of 40lb water jugs set up on one end of the floor..as I looked around I saw pictures of little kids, I'm talking under 8 years old pulling, carrying, doing whatever they could to bring clean water back to their families. I was told by our tour guide to try lifting and walking with one. They were heavy and honestly I could not even imagine walking a 100 ft with it let alone miles. I could not fathom Joshua (my 5 year old) having to walk miles and miles to bring me back clean water. Forget going to school b/c such a task would take these kids all day. This is why 1 in 6 people do not have clean water. When I saw the glasses of water lined up with the 1 not clean my heart sank..then I looked over and saw the 1 of 6 baby bottles filled with dirty water and tears started to fill in my eyes. I never had to worry about not being able to give my kids food let alone clean water to drink. This is a daily struggle for people in Africa.

Then I moved on to the next room which had an 8x8 square on the ground with sand at the bottom. This was to show us the size of the houses people lived in. I was not prepared for the tears that came with this one. These people's houses are the size of my bed..MY BED! I just stood there thinking..how do they walk? where to they sleep,? how do 6 or more live in there? We have so much here and I find myself saying things on a daily basis that now make my stomach sick. We are so blessed..not only do we have our needs we even have our wants.

My next stop was a table filled with food that we in America typically eat in a given week..and you know that some of that even ends up in the trash. As I looked at the table and saw all the food we consume and then looked over to the little (and i mean little) bowl of rice these people get for one week. That deeply saddened me. We throw around the phrase, "I'm starving, or I'm famished." We do not even have a clue as to what that really means. Our stomachs begin to growl and we get up and get some food. They do not have that option. "It would only cost 195 billion dollars to end world hunger. 30 billion was spent on ice cream last year." Crazy and gives you a little more perspective. Of course it goes beyond one person giving up on that but the numbers don't lie and it has to start with us to help. 1 child dies every 5 SECONDS from starvation!! Just think of how many kids have died in just the time it has taken you to read to this point.

"11,000,000 die every year of preventable diseases. That = Haiti x 40" I saw a cot with all medical supplies to show me that although people think starvation is number one cause of death in Africa it not. It is in fact diarrhea. Something that here in the U.S. can be easily treated and you move on with your day. Something they are not able to do. Another thing we take for granted.

I would have to say that the next stop for me broke my heart more then words can express but I will try. This would be what goes in in Tailand..Our tour guide asked us (pretending we were parents) if she would promise we would never go hungry again, or that our kids would never have to work so hard would we be willing to give them over to them to help in their restaurants and such. They could work serving, cleaning floors, dishes ect..Of course they would say yes, after all parents only want the best for their kids..well then I walked through to what was really the truth behind that promise. Human trafficking!! They say they will be working at restaurants when in reality these young kids..not even teens, kids as young as 6 are being tricked and forced into sex trade industry. This broke my heart and disgusted me at the same time. I cannot even imagine the fear these little kids must feel. I looked over and saw this little cot with a little girls red shoes on the floor to give me an idea of the set up that goes on. I just kept thinking..its so not fair. My son is going to be 6 in June, thoughts of him having to go through this makes my stomach turn and my eyes fill with water. Or my little girl who would one day maybe follow...all too much for my mind and heart to comprehend. I can cry and feel for these people but I really have no idea what in fact they actually go through. Can you imagine the fear they must feel??

I then came into a room that looked like a typical bedroom here...had a bed, a desk with a computer set up ect. It was in this room that our tour guide gave me a fact I will never forget. Americans' addiction to pornography feeds the sex trade industry. I was appalled to find out the pornography industry was a 12 billion dollar a year industry. That is more money then the MLB, NHL,NFL bring in combined..salaries, ticket sales, everything that is made or paid out. Doesn't that just blow your mind?? Again with putting things in perspective. It is crazy. Our tour guide also pointed out that there are stores and companies here in the U.S. that support pornography and that when we purchase from them we support it. I am currently trying to gather a list of those stores and places and will post it when I have it done. I definitely do not want to shop anywhere that supports this in any way shape or form. I know this is an addiction but like any addiction I do not want to be someone feeding into it or helping others get to it.

After this we walked into a room with a big wooden cross laying on the floor with papers nailed into it..people who had previously taken the tour had left things they had burden for or issues with at the cross. I didn't want this journey to end b/c I was learning so much and my perspective on life has taken a different turn. After I wrote down on the paper what I wanted to leave with Jesus, because after all, He died for me and my sins, I prayed, nailed the paper to the cross and got up. As I looked forward (not back at that cross) I came to this spot where there were facts and pictures of everything we had previously seen or were taught about. We were given a few minutes to pray about all of it. I did not even have to move a lot, I had specific visuals of all I had just seen and the facts that were right in front of me. I knew that action needed to be taken and prayer was definitely the start to what I could do next.

Before entering our last area we saw a video of how Christian Missionary Alliance churches have been helping in providing support for the water wells in Africa. Not only was I able to see that I also saw visuals of other ways our church and other supporting churches have helped missionaries all over the world. The CMA also supports the ministry that teaches women to make scarves so that they can bring in some income to their home. They are also involved in the building of a trade school in Senegal to train the homeless boys and young men a trade. Through all this they teach them about Christ. Hope is given not only for their physical needs but for their spiritual needs as well. I was also able to see a model of one of the (many) homes our church has been involved in building in Ensenada, Mexico. Our church goes on at least one missions trip a year to this area of Mexico. My heart was tugged on with this. I came home that night and said to my husband..we need to pray but I really feel like Summer 2012 is our time to go on that weekly missions trip. This is definitely an action we can take in the direction of "doing something more."

Lastly, our tour ended in a room that had paper lined up on tables that we could write down anything we wanted, reflection, prayer, thoughts ect. I remember grabbing a red marker, looking down, writing "Please God, never let me forget the things I have heard and seen today. Keep my heart broken, show me ways that I can help and serve you more." You see all along my heart was sad and broken for the things these people did not have. One of the biggest things they do not have is hope. Now this is a NEED..they need to know their is hope that comes from knowing Jesus Christ. Knowing Jesus and giving them hope is showing them they will have eternity away from the pain they are facing here on earth.

Again, I do not think my writing can even give justice to this whole experience but hopefully for those who could not go it gave you a glimpse. Its not about what you wear, or the size house you have, the food you eat, the music you listen to, its about knowing Jesus Christ. I'm thankful that over 10 years ago I had an Aunt share with me that the heartache in life is not all there is.

With a heart forever changed,
Darea

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He said it best...Jeremy Camp - There Will Be A Day - Video Devotional

As I sat here thinking of the many things I wanted to write about I began to go through some songs and this video said it best so I decided to share it. I hope if you are going through a hard time or searching for the light at the end of the tunnel you find comfort in God's word which Jeremy Camp reads. We live in a very tough world and I am thankful I know I will spend eternity in Heaven, a place that is not filled with all the sadness, heartache and uncertainty that we face here on earth. John 3:16 says, "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." As always..please let me know if I can pray for you or if you have any questions!
In Christ's Love,
Darea

Loving one another....

It always amazes me how much kids really do hear what we are saying. My daughter threw a bowl at my son the other day and before I could approach to tell her what she did was wrong I overheard my son saying "Gianna I love you, but I do not like your behavior." Part of me wanted to bust out laughing because I was shocked he said it and the other part of me wanted to cry because he actually knew what he was saying. All those times he has done something wrong and I expressed how much I loved him but that I did not like what he did he was able to articulate in the situation with his sister. Isn't that how God looks at us..He loves us no matter what but sometimes isn't so happy with the way we act. We are so quick to look down on people, judge them or just simply not open our arms to them. Sometimes people just need to be loved. I learned this summer that "hurt people, hurt people." Every time someone hurts me or I hear of someone else being hurt I try to remember that the person doing the hurt has other stuff going on in their life (or in their past) causing them to be the way they are. My anger or frustration quickly turns to feeling bad for the person.
I'm guilty of doing my share of hurting others as well..not intentionally but it has happened. Looking back as to why I said what I did or what was behind it, I've realized my anger came out to someone that was just at the wrong place at the wrong time. They got the brunt of my emotions when they were never even part of the real issues behind it. In 1 John 4:11 it simply says " Dear friend, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another." There is no reason to make others feel bad..especially when its in effort to just make ourselves feel better. One thing that bothers me the most is how much people talk behind others backs. If you have something to say I'd prefer you say it to my face. I'm not speaking about a specific situation I'm just saying in general and I'm sure most if not all people would feel the same way. Life is not always easy and until you are in a persons shoes you have no right or reason to say a word about what another person is going through or the life they are leading.
God did not put us on earth to hurt each other..just seems to be what happens. We all just need to make more of a conscious effort to love those around us even when they hurt us. I know this is not an easy task but it is the right thing and will make you feel better in the end. I have found that when someone hurts me if I turn around and pray for the person God helps my heart to heal from what they said or did. We are not here to please everyone else but rather to make sure we are doing what God has called us to do.... Simply love one another <3